The future of John Hancocks by Jackson

Palm Coast Observer
Opinion

My 8-year-old son, Jackson, is a business genius. His first company was selling paper airplanes to his younger brother. He expanded by renting out his action figures to his sister (first five minutes are free), but the most recent has the most growth potential: He has started selling his autograph written on slips of paper for 10 cents each.

I’m in talks with some investors who are very interested in backing Jackson. We’ll start small, then climb the Fortune 500 list. What I’m most worried about is that first round of layoffs to improve the bottom line and appease the stockholders. I just know I’m going to feel slimy about it. But, despite our unparalleled community involvement and donations, John Hancocks by Jackson LLC isn’t a charity, it’s a business. Cold hard signatures for cold hard cash.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. I need to take him to the Business Assistance Center to get some advice as to how many boxes of inventory he should have on hand at a given time. To start, I’m thinking a home-based business.

But, in light of the recent debate on home-based food businesses, I can already imagine the City Council response:

Councilman 1: What I worry about is that the traffic near the McMillan home where Jackson does his autographing is going to get out of control. People are going to be parking on his neighbors’ lawns.

Councilman 2: Not to mention the volume of used-up gel pens.

Councilman 1: Exactly. It’ll disrupt the entire trash collection system.

Councilman 2: Code enforcement will have to get involved when Jackson’s groupies won’t put out their bonfires while they wait for their signatures to be completed. Not to mention the paper cuts that could result. The public health is in jeopardy, here.

Councilman 1: Then there is the criminal element that will try to forge Jackson’s signature and sell bootleg autographs for a nickel. Who is going to pay for the extra deputies to stamp out the black market for “Jackson” stamps?

Councilman 2: I don’t think this is really the Palm Coast we envisioned? Where one home-based business holds the rest of us hostage?

Councilman 1: Shouldn’t Jackson have to rent a storefront to pursue his business plan like all the other autographers?

OK, OK, OK. I suppose they’re right. I can see the error of my ways.

How can anyone Find Your Florida™ and Discover Palm Coast® when John Hancocks by Jackson is adding to the state-high unemployment rate and dragging down our quality of life?