Hair and weights ...

Palm Coast Observer
Opinion

I tend to think of myself as a seasoned smack-talker. I dish out cheap shots in bunches. Ask my brother, Sean. I’ll talk smack over a game of Monopoly. Ask any of my buddies from high school and college — they know firsthand that I’ll talk smack during a pickup soccer game. If we want to instill fear in our opponents in a recreational slow-pitch softball game, I’m the person to come to. Just ask my dad, or my editor, or my coworkers.

But my ability to talk smack went to another level a few months ago. John Ruffalo, the husband of our office manager, Carole, always seemed to give it right back to me when I’d talk up my skills to him. I liked it. I had met my match.

Then he made an amateur move. He challenged me to a 40-yard dash. The stakes were high: If I won (which I knew for sure I would), he would have to cut his hair into a Mohawk and die the middle red. If he won (which there was no chance on this earth that would happen), I’d have to shave my head.

As many of you might know, I’ve been growing my hair out.

In fact, I haven’t cut it since last Thanksgiving. I’m going on a year now. I love my luscious locks. I really was hoping to keep my hair long for when I run the Jacksonville Marathon in December.

But I also wanted to take the risk and put John in his place.

However, he came into the office the other day sporting a limp.

I asked him what’s wrong, and apparently he has some foot issues. The bet isn’t off the table, though. Instead, I’m proposing an alternative.

Here’s how it’s going to go down: I do a combined three exercises of weights — could be a bench press, a squat and a leg press. Then, I add up my total pounds and pit that against the total pounds of just one exercise John does. He can pick the exercise.

You say this is unfair on a variety of levels, right? Not quite. John is a record-holding professional weightlifter.

He is in his 70s, but that doesn’t make me feel bad. I am always up for a challenge, and apparently he is, too.

I have a lot on the line. My hair. My pride. My dignity.

If I win, it’s red Mohawk time. If John wins, I’ll take off all my hair.

This is your challenge, John, should you choose to accept.