- April 19, 2024
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As spring approaches and course selection sheets are distributed, parents and students start to think about the upcoming school year. For many, that means a transition to either middle or high school, an idea that is frequently terrifying to both parties.
But the transition to the next level doesn’t have to be intimidating. Ironically, even with all the changes in society, little has changed in terms of parents’ and students’ greatest fears: Parents are mostly frightened about their children being exposed to drugs, gangs and other bad behaviors, as well as wanting their children to get good grades, have caring teachers and be able to go to college.
For the kids, it’s much simpler. They want to be popular, not get lost in the new school, be popular, pass their classes and be popular. There is absolutely nothing that is more important to the vast majority of students, especially in middle school, than social acceptability. That adorable A/B honor roll student that graced your home with smiles and hugs has often morphed into a moody, apathetic adolescent, who tells you repeatedly that you just don’t understand. And to some extent, we don’t.
In the old days, gossip was passed back and forth in a note that was soon tossed away. Unfortunately, similar gossip is now posted on Facebook for all the world to see and comment upon.
Students who were struggling in middle school used to be passed on to high school regardless of their grades. Now state law requires three passing credits in each of the four core subjects before promotion. And the number of mandatory end-of-course exams in high school will continue to increase for the foreseeable future.
School is harder now than it used to be, and parents are often less prepared to handle the academic and social challenges their children will be facing. So what’s a parent to do? It’s not easy, but there are certain strategies that do help.
First, be the parent! At this stage you are not supposed to be your child’s friend. You are supposed to stand up to the pleas that “every other kid in school is allowed to” with that time-honored response, “I don’t care what every other kid is allowed to do. I only care about you.”
As much as we’d like to believe that our children are always going to tell us the truth, they often don’t. Sometimes, it’s more of an omission or a stylized version of the truth, but make sure you learn all of the facts before jumping to a conclusion. Read their Facebook page (and make sure it’s the real Facebook page and not just the sanitized, parents’ version). Check the pictures, texts and videos on their phone periodically. Know who their friends are, where they live and what their parents are like. Invite the friends over for pizza and a movie so you can see how your child behaves when friends are around.
Use the technology available to check on your child’s grades, including the zeros he got for missing work. But you say you saw him do it at the kitchen table? Yes, you did, but that doesn’t mean it’s not still at the bottom of his backpack. Read the school’s calendar on the website and know when report cards and progress reports come out. If your child doesn’t readily produce it, there’s a reason! Call or email the teacher or the guidance counselor to find out where it is, although if you are checking the grades regularly online, you should already know.
Be involved with your child’s education, but remember it is your child who needs to do the work, not you and it is your child who needs to deal with the consequences of his actions. Your child’s teachers are generally very caring people who went into the education business because they actually like kids. But they have lives and families of their own, so if they haven’t updated their online grade book the night of the test, try to cut them some slack. It might have just been a busy night. Almost all teachers have their grades posted within a couple of days or a week at most.
And regardless of what your child says, the teacher does not have it in for him. If your child is making this claim, you need to meet with the teacher to find out what is really going on. And please remember that although you might have only one child to worry about, the teacher has a hundred or more students who are all her concern.
Yes, it’s a tough ride through middle school and into high school, for both parents and students. But like most things in life, it’s about balance. Work, play, discipline, love and faith in each other all play a roll in getting through these years. The end result usually makes it all worthwhile.
Kim Gridley is the assistant principal at Indian Trails Middle School.
